Yes, I Need More
This part of my blog has been collecting cobwebs, I know. Perhaps it’s an indication of my walk — how I’m doing spiritually. The original intention of this “hidden” journal was for it to be a place where I am completely transparent about my faith, my struggles, and convictions. It seems now to be the place I’m avoiding when I need to be in it the most.
It’s summertime; the change of season that means things come and go; most people use it as an excuse to be lax, taking advantage of the sunshine — though if you’re in Vancouver with me, you’d know that sunshine is not as present as it should be in July and this if course becomes the common grummblage under everyone’s breath. Anyway, the point I was making is that in the beginning to this summer, I’m finding that I have been taking a little break from my spiritual routines. My weekly bible study has taken time off until September and the community group we host in our home is also on a break until then. As well, summer is a busy time for my husband in the film industry and he needed help on a production — causing us to miss Sunday church gatherings, and so I’m finding that other things are occupying my mind, sinking in and taking over; the hustle and bustle, all the things I have to do, worrying about paying the bills, making sure the dogs get walked, 14hr-stress-filled days trying to appease people too preoccupied with their appearance, not having time to clean the house — watching dishes and laundry and grime build up, but knowing that I needed sleep more than I had to do anything else.
I try desperately in every moment that I recognize I’m sinking to pray; prayers for patience, for clarity, to be able to truly love as we are called to — even those that I deem undeserving; for the ability to trust and not worry whether the rent will clear this month, that our dogs would stay quiet while are away so that our new neighbors wouldn’t get fed up with them too soon, prayers at night for my husband who has been carrying a 20lb camera on his shoulders for hours on end as he continually tests the limits of his body; prayers that God would work through us and in us in all those stressful moments on set and that we would be good ambassadors for Him — that His light would shine through us and that our own tempers and frustrations would be tamed.
Now that the project is winding down, I’m wondering what to do with myself; how do I get myself into a routine and what should it look like — because although I generally hate routines, I think that’s what I need the most. I recognize that I have a tendency to fall into my own sinking sand. I stop seeking. I stop communing. I stop worshipping. I live for myself and this is the most dangerous place to be; in a world of follow-your-hearts, I know that my own will deceive me if I let it. I need to be prepared and guarded and better-educated. I know what I need and that summer — either having a busy or lax one, is no excuse to take breaks. We con ourselves into thinking we deserve something by denying ourselves the milk and bread we need… well, I do anyway; I speak for myself. I long for my spiritual life and routines to stop ebbing and continually flow, but I fear that this is the fight of the flesh. To be aware of it is my win.
Argue Your Faith
I strongly believe that I need to be able to stand for my faith and provide a reason for my hope whenever I am confronted with the question — however, I often think that I wouldn’t be able to put it into eloquent enough words; stumbling through a thin explanation. I came across this cute short story just now and am loving every bit of it.
A student’s response to his professor on the reality of God.
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir, exactly! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
The student is said to be Einstein, but I can find no evidence of that or his faith. …and just so we’re clear — you don’t need to have eloquent words to speak about your faith. Just be sure you stand firm in it; 1 Corinthians 2:4-5.